FAQs About Grief
How can I deal with important milestones, holidays, and anniversaries?
These significant dates and events serve as profound reminders of your loved one's absence. What were once joyful celebrations can become incredibly painful triggers that reopen the wound of grief intensely.
The anticipation leading up to birthdays, weddings, religious holidays or the anniversary of a death can sometimes feel even harder than the day itself. You may experience anxiety, dread and heightened longing.
My first piece of advice is to be proactive about planning ahead for these challenging times instead of letting them ambush you emotionally. Whether solo or with supportive family/friends, make a detailed plan for how you want to spend the day doing what feels right for you.
For some, adhering to long-held family traditions by attending annual gatherings provides comfort. For others, doing something new like taking a trip or private ritual feels more healing.
Don't be afraid to politely excuse yourself from obligations that feel too overwhelming this time around. Sharing your reason for declining with loved ones can garner their understanding.
When the day arrives, be gentle with yourself and leave room for a range of emotions like sadness, anger, anxiety or even laughter over joyful memories. Crying one minute and laughing the next is natural - grief contains multitudes.
Consider incorporating meaningful rituals, whether releasing balloons, lighting candles, playing music, giving tribute in faith traditions, or sharing stories about your loved one. This integration allows you to simultaneously honour their memory while taking a step forward.
Most importantly, remind yourself that however you choose to spend these milestone days is OK. There is no "right" way to experience grief amid celebration. If a birthday passes in a blur of tears, or if you giggle through cherished inside jokes on an anniversary, that's appropriate.
The grief work is allowing all of it - sadness, reminiscence and even unexpected moments of joy or levity. Have compassion for wherever you are in your process. With intention, these significant days can become beacons of healing over time.
Ida Uzelman is the compassionate heart behind River of Hope Counselling in Kelowna, British Columbia. Originally from Africa, Ida has embraced the warmth of the Okanagan as her home for the past three decades. Her life's passion lies in supporting others through times of grief and loss, fueled by the echoes of her own family's experiences. Ida finds endless inspiration in works like "The Gift," "Grief Journey," and "The Untethered Soul" as she continues her journey as a forever learner.
In her personal life, Ida delights in the simple joys - playing tennis, hiking the local trails, dancing, and sharing laughter over plain rice and salt with dear friends and family. Above all, she lives with profound gratitude for every experience that has shaped her into the caring counsellor she is today. While the past cannot be changed, Ida believes we all have the power to find new meaning in our present moments and the resilience within ourselves.