FAQs About Grief
Why do I feel so numb and detached from my emotions?
Feeling numb and detached from your emotions is a very common reaction when dealing with significant loss or trauma. As a grief counsellor, I often see this with clients who have experienced the death of a loved one, gone through a divorce or breakup, suffered abuse or violence, or faced other profoundly difficult life circumstances.
Is it normal to feel angry at the person who died?
Yes, feeling angry at the person who died is a very normal and common reaction in the grieving process. Anger is one of the typical stages that people go through when mourning a loss.
How can I deal with the overwhelming sadness and waves of grief?
The overwhelming sadness and waves of grief you are experiencing after a profound loss are some of the most difficult and painful parts of the grieving process. These intense emotions can feel all-consuming at times, making even basic daily tasks and functioning incredibly hard.
Will the pain and heartache ever go away?
The pain and heartache you are experiencing after a profound loss can feel utterly overwhelming and never-ending in this moment. The intensity of grief is among the deepest and most visceral human experiences. However, I want to reassure you that while the anguish may never fully disappear, it will eventually become more manageable over time.
Why do I keep replaying the death over and over in my mind?
Replaying the details and moments surrounding a loved one's death is an incredibly common experience when grieving. Our minds have a way of getting stuck in that loop, revisiting it over and over as we try to process such a profoundly impactful event. .
How do I cope with feelings of guilt about things I did or didn't say/do?
Feelings of guilt and regret are, unfortunately, very common experiences when grieving the loss of a loved one. It's human nature to go over past interactions and agonize about things we wish we had handled differently or said while we had the chance.
Will I ever be able to enjoy life and feel happy again?
I know in the depths of profound grief; it can feel impossible to imagine ever experiencing true joy and happiness again. The sadness, pain and heartache feel so all-consuming that the idea of laughing, finding pleasure in simple joys or feeling light-hearted seems almost offensive.
How can I help my children through this difficult process?
Coping with the death of a loved one is incredibly challenging at any age but can be especially difficult and confusing for children. As the adults in their lives, it's important we validate their grief experiences and provide age-appropriate support.
What should I do with my loved one's belongings?
This is an extremely difficult and emotional process that every griever has to face. Your loved one's possessions carry so many memories, energies and connections. Deciding how to handle their belongings can be overwhelming and painful.
How do I deal with insensitive comments from others about "moving on"?
Comments urging you to "move on" or "get over it" after losing someone precious are incredibly hurtful, even if the person making them has good intentions. Grief is an incredibly personal journey without a timeline. For many, there is no definitive "moving on" - we simply incorporate the loss into our lives in a new way.
Is it normal to have trouble sleeping, concentrating, or making decisions?
Grief profoundly impacts our mind, body and spirit in ways that can feel debilitating at times. The exhaustion, both physical and mental, that comes with grieving is like nothing else. You are not alone in these experiences.
When will the intense yearning and longing for my loved one diminish?
The visceral, physical ache of longing for someone who has died is one of the cruelest aspects of acute grief. Having that person's presence ripped from your daily life creates a void and emptiness that can feel torturous at times.
How can I deal with important milestones, holidays, and anniversaries?
These significant dates and events serve as profound reminders of your loved one's absence. What were once joyful celebrations can become incredibly painful triggers that reopen the wound of grief intensely.
Is it okay to feel relief in some way after a loved one's suffering ended?
When someone we care about endures a prolonged illness, watching their deterioration and pain can be excruciating. We wouldn't wish that torment on anyone. In those instances, their death may be perceived as a mercy - a release from their anguish.
Should I seek professional counseling or join a grief support group?
Grief is one of life's most profoundly disruptive experiences. Having a caring, objective source of support can be invaluable as you navigate the complex emotional landscape before you. While loved ones undoubtedly want to help, the depth of what you're going through may be hard for them to truly understand.