FAQs About Grief

Comments urging you to "move on" or "get over it" after losing someone precious are incredibly hurtful, even if the person making them has good intentions. Grief is an incredibly personal journey without a timeline. For many, there is no definitive "moving on" - we simply incorporate the loss into our lives in a new way.
 

When faced with these thoughtless remarks, the instinctive reaction is often one of anger, pain or feeling misunderstood. While valid, I would gently encourage you to have compassion in those moments, both for yourself and the person speaking.
 

The truth is many people in society are severely undereducated about the grieving process. Unless they have experienced a profoundly difficult loss themselves, they likely have unrealistic expectations about how long grief "should" last. Their view is shaped by cultural narratives that prioritize powering through or putting on a brave face.
 

When you receive comments minimizing the massive significance of your loss, remember that it likely comes from a place of discomfort and ignorance about grief, not true malice or personal insensitivity toward you.
 

With that perspective, you have a choice in how to respond. You can use it as an opportunity to educate them about the reality of grieving in a calm, patient manner. Or you can choose to simply change the subject or politely disengage from the conversation if it is too painful.
 

You could say something like "I know you mean well, but comments about moving on are actually hurtful to me right now. This loss is a profound journey I'm going through, and I'll need to go at my own pace." Setting boundaries is healthy.
 

At the end of the day, how you honor your grief is most important - not what anyone else thinks is the "right" way. Have self-compassion, protect your heart, and keep surrounding yourself with those who can hold space for you without judgment. In time, the insensitive comments should matter and affect you less.