FAQs About Grief

Yes, feeling angry at the person who died is a very normal and common reaction in the grieving process. Anger is one of the typical stages that people go through when mourning a loss.

When someone close to us dies, we are left with so many intense and conflicting emotions. Sadness, guilt, regret, fear and anger can all arise. Anger specifically often stems from feelings of abandonment, unfinished business in the relationship, or a sense that it is unfair they died and left you behind.

You may find yourself raging at your loved one for leaving you, for unfulfilled promises, for choice they made impacting their health, or for unresolved conflicts between you. The anger can be directed at them, at the situation, at God, or just a generalized fury over something that feels so senselessly cruel.

While it may feel unsettling to be angry at someone who is gone, these feelings are natural and part of the grieving journey. Unresolved anger can actually prolong the grieving process if it is suppressed or denied. It is important to find healthy ways to express and work through it.

You could write a letter to your deceased loved one expressing your anger. Or use a pillow to hit against and symbolically slam those emotions out. Talking it through with a counselor can also provide great release and perspective.
Over time, the anger should dissipate as you process the immense pain of this loss. But allowing yourself to go through it is important, rather than bottling it up. Feeling anger does not mean you loved them any less. It is a reflection of how meaningful they were in your life. Be patient and compassionate with yourself as you work through this entirely normal stage of grief.