FAQs About Grief
Is it okay to feel relief in some way after a loved one's suffering ended?
When someone we care about endures a prolonged illness, watching their deterioration and pain can be excruciating. We wouldn't wish that torment on anyone. In those instances, their death may be perceived as a mercy - a release from their anguish.
While the loss remains profoundly tragic, it's understandable to feel some relief that they are no longer suffering or struggling. You may even feel a strange sense of gratitude that their journey has concluded without more drawn-out battles.
This doesn't make you cavalier about their death or diminish your love for them at all. Quite the opposite - the relief comes from a place of wishing freedom from hardship for someone so precious to you. You bore witness to their exquisite suffering, and death ultimately brought peace.
However, the relief can breed feelings of guilt and judgment toward oneself. "How can I feel relieved when they're gone?" But this emotion simply speaks to the depths of your compassion and empathy.
Relief highlights our complex response to death after protracted illness or aging. We lament the profound loss while gladly releasing our loved one from torment. The two can beautifully coexist.
If you're grappling with this sense of relief, have self-compassion. Don't judge it as wrong or inappropriate. It's your heart's way of allowing them to exit this world with grace after so much pain.
Find comfort in knowing that wherever your loved one's spirit is now, they have eternal freedom from suffering. Voice your appreciation for their endurance, and let the relief arise when it does. Grief contains a tapestry of emotions, including those born from empathy.
Ida Uzelman is the compassionate heart behind River of Hope Counselling in Kelowna, British Columbia. Originally from Africa, Ida has embraced the warmth of the Okanagan as her home for the past three decades. Her life's passion lies in supporting others through times of grief and loss, fueled by the echoes of her own family's experiences. Ida finds endless inspiration in works like "The Gift," "Grief Journey," and "The Untethered Soul" as she continues her journey as a forever learner.
In her personal life, Ida delights in the simple joys - playing tennis, hiking the local trails, dancing, and sharing laughter over plain rice and salt with dear friends and family. Above all, she lives with profound gratitude for every experience that has shaped her into the caring counsellor she is today. While the past cannot be changed, Ida believes we all have the power to find new meaning in our present moments and the resilience within ourselves.