The Grief of Marriage and Divorce
Marriage is one of life's greatest commitments - the sacred vow to share your life with another in sickness and health, for richer or poorer. Yet even with the purest intentions, too many marriages falter under the weight of incompatibility, betrayal, or the slow drifting apart of ones.
Divorce, whether started by one party or mutually, is always a profound loss and a legitimate grief to mourn. You are losing your partner, your co-parent, your family unit, and the dream you once held for your life together. This grief can trigger intense emotions like anger, sadness, guilt, and overwhelming anxiety about the future.
Even if your marriage was deeply troubled, do not discount the size of this transition. You had invested years of yourself - your time, energy, resources, optimism - into making this union work. Unraveling that tapestry, even when necessary, will create holes that cannot be easily re-woven.
Be patient with yourself as you enter this tender process of detachment and separating your life from your former spouse's. The anger, sadness, and feelings of failure are all natural stages of severing such a meaningful bond. Give voice to your hurt but resist the temptation to become mired in self-blame or bitterness.
If you have children, your grieving process will be further complicated, as you now must consider their needs along with your own. But take heart - making a mindful decision to give your kids a more peaceful home is an act of profound love and care. They too will mourn the loss of the family unit as they knew it. Surround them with reassurance, consistency, and comfort.
Throughout this difficult transition, remember that you are not alone. Lean on your support network of friends, family, clergy, and if needed, professional counselors. Your grief is real and should be tended to with the same care as any other major loss.
Those who emerge from divorce most resilient are those who allow themselves to experience their grief without judgement. Like any loss, the sharp pangs of anguish will ease over time into more bittersweet twinges. By honoring your grief rather than stifling it, you create the sacred space to heal.
How River of Hope Counselling Can Help
As a divorce and grief counselor, I provide a supportive, non-judgmental space to process the profound loss, emotions, and life changes that come with separating from your spouse. Through talk therapy, mindfulness practices, and other therapeutic approaches, I can help guide you through this immense transition.ou need not go through this alone. At River of Hope Counselling, I offer personalized, compassionate care to help you navigate the turbulent waters of divorce and reemerge with strength and resilience.
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Contact me to schedule a consultation or appointment.
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​Ida Uzelman is the compassionate heart behind River of Hope Counselling in Kelowna, British Columbia. Originally from Africa, Ida has embraced the warmth of the Okanagan as her home for the past three decades. Her life's passion lies in supporting others through times of grief and loss, fueled by the echoes of her own family's experiences. Ida finds endless inspiration in works like "The Gift," "Grief Journey," and "The Untethered Soul" as she continues her journey as a forever learner.
In her personal life, Ida delights in the simple joys - playing tennis, hiking the local trails, dancing, and sharing laughter over plain rice and salt with dear friends and family. Above all, she lives with profound gratitude for every experience that has shaped her into the caring counsellor she is today. While the past cannot be changed, Ida believes we all have the power to find new meaning in our present moments and the resilience within ourselves.
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