FAQs About Grief

When will the intense yearning and longing for my loved one diminish?

The visceral, physical ache of longing for someone who has died is one of the cruelest aspects of acute grief. Having that person's presence ripped from your daily life creates a void and emptiness that can feel torturous at times.
 

In the early days and weeks after a profound loss, this yearning can be utterly consuming. You may catch glimpses of them in a crowd or have imagined conversations. The longing to hear their voice, seek their advice or simply be in their company one more time can be overwhelming.
 

While the intensity of this anguish should gradually begin to ease over the first year or so, the truth is the longing may never fully disappear. We don't simply "get over" losing some of the most significant people in our lives. Rather, we integrate their absence into our newfound reality.
 

With grief work, support systems and time, the yearning evolves. It may always be there, like a dull ache, but it shouldn't remain at the level of desperation you now feel. Occasions like birthdays or holidays can reignite it intensely. But in general, the longing transitions to more of a bittersweet feeling.
 

Certain strategies like writing letters, talking to photos, or even having honest one-way conversations can provide outlets to process the yearning. Recreating comforting traditions, making their favorite meal, or visiting meaningful places allows you to stay connected.
 

You are still very newly grieving. Please be patient and compassionate with yourself through this turmoil. Know that the longing won't remain at this pitch forever. With each wave of grief you ride out, it becomes more tolerable.
 

The absence never truly ceases to ache. But the longing can reach a stable, less debilitating frequency. It settles as a companion on your life's journey, not the all-consuming emptiness it is now. Have faith that while it transforms, the yearning reflects how bright the light of your love still burns.

Ida Uzelman is the compassionate heart behind River of Hope Counselling in Kelowna, British Columbia. Originally from Africa, Ida has embraced the warmth of the Okanagan as her home for the past three decades. Her life's passion lies in supporting others through times of grief and loss, fueled by the echoes of her own family's experiences. Ida finds endless inspiration in works like "The Gift," "Grief Journey," and "The Untethered Soul" as she continues her journey as a forever learner.