FAQs About Grief
Will the Pain and Heartache Ever Go Away? Coping with Loss
​The pain and heartache you are experiencing after a profound loss can feel utterly overwhelming and never-ending in this moment. The intensity of grief is among the deepest and most visceral human experiences. However, I want to reassure you that while the anguish may never fully disappear, it will eventually become more manageable over time.
Grieving is a highly personal journey without a set timeline. For some, the sharp pangs of heartache may ease after several months. For others, the waves of sadness can persist for years, gradually diminishing but still washing over periodically. There is no "right" way to grieve or timetable to "get over" something as impactful as the loss of a loved one.
What I can say is that with intention, support and self-compassion, the pain does become more bearable. The wound doesn't necessarily heal fully, but a salve forms around that tender area of your heart. Triggers and anniversaries may rip it open again temporarily. But overall, the pain transforms from being constantly present and debilitating to something you carry, but that doesn't constrain your life in the same way.
Working through the grieving process by allowing yourself to fully feel, process and metabolize the loss is crucial. This may mean counselling, journaling, leaning on your support system, finding creative outlets and consciously integrating the loss into your life's journey. It is slow, hard work, but it allows the pain to slowly evolve.
With time, the beautiful memories tend to soften the jagged edges of grief. You may find joy resurfacing amidst the sadness. And one day, you'll wake up and realize that while you'll never "get over" this loss, it has become integrated into the story of your life in a healthier way.
The pain may never fully go away, but it can become tolerable and livable again. Have faith in your resilience and be patient and compassionate with yourself during this transformational process.
Ida Uzelman is the compassionate heart behind River of Hope Counselling in Kelowna, British Columbia. Originally from Africa, Ida has embraced the warmth of the Okanagan as her home for the past three decades. Her life's passion lies in supporting others through times of grief and loss, fueled by the echoes of her own family's experiences. Ida finds endless inspiration in works like "The Gift," "Grief Journey," and "The Untethered Soul" as she continues her journey as a forever learner.
In her personal life, Ida delights in the simple joys - playing tennis, hiking the local trails, dancing, and sharing laughter over plain rice and salt with dear friends and family. Above all, she lives with profound gratitude for every experience that has shaped her into the caring counsellor she is today. While the past cannot be changed, Ida believes we all have the power to find new meaning in our present moments and the resilience within ourselves.